Mariah Katelyn.

venting.

I don’t entirely know how to start this off. I just know I need to get these things off my chest. All these empty promises are killing me. My heart has fallen apart, and at this point I have no pieces left to find. I know I am strong and I know I will get through this. But that doesn’t make numb. The only thing left to sustain me is the corruption I breathe into my lungs. All I ask for is humanity and respect but I’m left like a penny in the rain. Honesty is what I beg. This pain is what defines my insanity. Roaming around trusting no one not even myself for being this stupid. I just want to know what is so wrong with me that I have to be treated this way, and why I need to accept this. I feel like I’m being smothered. Why do I still cry from a sweet melody that simply reminds me. I think that after all that I have been through it is my chance at happiness. My chance to feel something important again. I don’t want to give up but it is almost like there is absolutely no point. I do not and cannot trust anyone. And that effects everything. I am tired of feeling pathetic and I want to pick up where I left off, but I am so consumed. I feel so deeply or I feel nothing at all. And my nausea towards the world I wish could dissipate. I want to learn to love again and I want to meet that person who can pull it out of me. But they don’t exist and all I have is the dependency of myself. But my strength is bleeding out and I want to stop being hurt and manipulated. Or at least the answer to the simplicity of a three letter question, why? I know I am not alone but that is all I feel.  

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