I know, I know how it hurts in places you don’t have a name for. I know it feels like you’re burning from the inside, except you’re not sure, you’re not sure anymore because you’ve turned yourself inside out to make it work, to make it count. I know it feels like there’s salt water in your veins, but you’re no longer the ocean you once were, no, no longer great, no longer insurmountable. I know how heavy the air feels and how your neck is stiff because even when you sleep, you’re afraid to let go completely, you’re afraid to dream. I know that every time something reminds you of them your chest tightens and it feels like your heart will never start again. I know.
But darling, pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Learn that your muscles ache because you’ve been running away for too long, and your skin hurts because it takes time for cuts to become scars. Your stomach is pulsing because you’re nervous, the acid is burning you from inside out.
You are not mad.
But darling pick yourself up, dust yourself off. You are no longer the ocean, you are your own world - with volcanoes and hurricanes in your veins, with fields of lilies in the pit of your stomach, with stardust in your bones and galaxies in your palms. You don’t need to be great, you need to be you. You need to be happy. You don’t need to be insurmountable, you don’t need to be a challenge, you don’t need to be conquered. You need to be loved. And the air, the air is heavy - it’s what keeps you grounded. Sleep. Sleep and let yourself dream, because the dreams can’t be scarier than what you’ve seen. Sleep.
But darling, then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Let go. Forgive. Move on. Don’t be scared to love again. It may hurt less, it may hurt the same, but somewhere along the road you will learn not to tie your existence to someone’s love, not to worship people like deities, not to whisper their names like a prayer. You have to lose yourself a few times before you can learn how to love yourself as much as you love them. Some people just know, but we, darling, we don’t. For us, love is trial and error.
Now, darling, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Feel the universe that is pulsing through your veins. Feel your own power. Feel your own strength.
You shouldn’t try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you’re supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you’re supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it’s necessary because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself.